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≫ DerpyDani: IM NOT TRYING TO DRY HUMP UR DICK MOLD IN A TRUNK ─

Rudy and the Rowdy Vacuum Cleaner:

In a dusty old shack at the end of the lane,
Lived Rudy the Rude, who was really quite strange.
He muttered and mumbled and grumbled all day,
And chased all the neighborhood children away.

He didn’t like cats, he didn’t like dogs,
He yelled at the mailman and stared at the fog.
But strangest of all, and I say this with care—
Was Rudy’s odd love for appliances there.

He’d polish his blender with giggles and glee,
And whisper sweet nothings to his old potpourri.
But nothing, oh nothing, compared in his heart
To the vacuum he wheeled like a prize piece of art.

He’d call it Miss Vicky and stroke its long hose,
Then hum little songs as he twirled on his toes.
But one fateful morning, oh heavens, oh dear—
Rudy got caught in a way rather queer.

The neighbors heard clunking and then a loud "YOW!"
Followed by Rudy screaming, “I need help now!”
They kicked down the door with concern on their face,
And found Rudy tangled in vacuum disgrace.

Now Rudy’s less grumpy, he’s mellowed a bit,
He’s given up Vicky (she just didn’t fit).
But folks in the town, when they see a new Hoover,
Still snort and say softly, “Old Rudy’s a mover.”